#... but those people exist. so. that option exists

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

the twst pantheon au

I’ve been cooking with this one for a long ass time 🤩

A pantheon refers to “a collective of gods for a particular religion or group” or “a group that is respected, famous, or important”. In this case, the Pantheon AU is a modern day alternate universe in which all of the Twst characters are deities. They are not tied to a certain religion. Rather, they exist as forces of nature and each have dominion over + powers related to whatever concepts they govern.

The gods used to be well known and revered back in ancient times, but they’ve been whittled down to obscurity as the eons pass by. And the gods, well… let’s say that they got caught up in some trouble in their down time, leading to many of them being cast out of the Pantheon. These so-called “Fallen” gods are banished to the mortal realm and forced to walk among humans. However, because they’ve been stripped of most of their power, the Fallen are forced to take up smaller forms in order to conserve what little power they have left… which means we get cute animal forms :))

So the idea is that you/the reader/Yuu are a normal human being going about their day and they happen to run into a god in their animal form. Depending on the form, it could be a wild animal OR (the funnier option, in my opinion) the encounter could be in one of those animal cafés. Whatever the case may be, you end up adopting, fostering, or giving the animal shelter in your home.

The next day, you wake up to find a strange man in robes standing in your bedroom. He so arrogantly informs you that you are now one of his “followers” and demands that you assist him in reclaiming their lost godhood, thereby restoring him to his rightful place in the Pantheon.

As it turns out, gods gain power by gathering followers (not actual people who worship them but rather just people who selflessly love them or believe in and follow their philosophies or the importance of what they govern). Following is quantified by a mystical coin called Faith; the goal is for the Fallen to gather enough Faith to literally “buy” their way back into the Pantheon. Only problem is, it’s hard for gods to gain followers or even influence humans in their weakened state, hence why they’re teaming up with the first human to offer them Faith. (Since adopting/fostering is considered an act of selfless love, it granted the god enough strength to assume a more humanoid form.)

Gods don’t “die” but rather they can “fade”. Think of it like how a star burns for a long time, but they eventually burn through everything they have and cannot go on. Gods can fade one of two ways: 1) their time comes, or 2) there is so little Faith in what they rule over that they cannot sustain their existence anymore! The Faith currency and system is in part inspired by the Heaven Coins (from Panty and Stocking with Garterbelt) and the Tinkerbell and Pixie Hollow lore, the latter of which states that fairies die if children do not believe in them.

Depending on what the god rules over, this would shape the direction their follower (ie you/Yuu) would take to help them. For example, the god of love would benefit from having love spread. I also like to imagine that the non-Fallen gods sometimes come down to mock the Fallen or pose as obstacles since the non-Fallen could theoretically accumulate more power for themselves if there are fewer gods in the Pantheon.

And then!! Maybe at the very end, when the god has collected enough Faith, they’re faced with the daunting decision of getting the thing they started off wanting versus staying on the mortal plane with their human friend (or even lover, if you wanna go the god-human forbidden romance angle), who will entirely forget about them once they ascend. It’d sort of be like the end of Hercules but with an extra little sprinkle of angst 😇

The gods are grouped into Elder, Major, and Minor categories. Elder Gods are the oldest and are tasked with overseeing the younger gods and the governance of humanity itself. Major Gods are those who have accumulated a significant amount of influence for themselves over the years. Minor Gods are young gods and are still in training, humans that ascended to godhood, or lesser gods.

And now, the members of the Pantheon!! I’ve included some headcanons I have for them, but consider this more of a brief overview and not all the lore.

Elder Gods

Crowley — God of stories

Considered to be the ultimate authority and speaker for the Pantheon.

Decides which gods are worthy of walking in the Pantheon. Also determines what the price to return is for the Fallen.

(… Yes, Faith is literally in coins and you have to “buy” your way back in because Crowley, even as an actual GOD, is a greedy ass that accepts bribe money ✨)

Despite his high ranking, he has a whimsical and flippant manner about him, not really acting like an omnipotent being.

It is said he has a number of crow and raven companions that serve as messengers and his eyes/ears. They bring the stories they see and hear back to him.

Keys, mirrors, and coffins are common motifs for him and his shrines; they say that his mirrors are gates to new worlds and that the coffins he unlocks with his skeleton keys give birth to new life/characters to inhabit those worlds.

Be kind to ravens and crows; you never know when that visiting bird is actually Crowley in disguise, traveling the mortal world in search of something new to amuse himself with.

Obviously has a raven/crow form.

Crewel — God of medicine and healing

Looks after the gods and their standing; that kindness, like medicine, can be both a panacea and a poison. Punishes the gods, should they step out of line.

Favors dogs, particularly well-trained ones. His shrines depict Dalmatians guarding the entrances, but the dogs are not seen in the interiors, which are usually caked with incense smoke.

Healers and caretakers look to him for guidance. It used to be common for them to have a singular handkerchief in black and white animal print (a good luck charm) on their persons (or wearing something of those colors/patterns) when treating the sick or injured.

He is skilled at animal taming; it is said that he could get even a great beast to heel at his command.

His animal form is a Dalmatian.

Trein — God of history

Tasked with keeping records for the gods and humans alike. He knows every detail of their existence.

Favors felines. It’s said that, in his youth, he spirited away a cat, which now serves as his emissary.

His wife, the minor goddess of the ashes, faded due to a lack of Faith. Because of this, he perpetually worries for the younger gods meeting the same fate.

Glass is a material that recurs in his shrines and offerings; this is because Trein considers time fragile like glass.

His animal form is a long haired cat.

Vargas — God of champions and heroes

There are many stories of him training humans and demigods, who would later go on to perform impressive acts.

Also trains up-and-coming gods, preparing them to assume their duties.

He is said to have a number of feats under his belt as well, such as slaying a great beast and carrying the world on his back.

Animal pelts and deer antlers are favored offerings. Even better if you hunted and prepared them yourself.

His animal form is a buck.

Sam — God of roads/travel and prophecy

Magically produces anything that may be needed from his hat.

Able to vanish and reappear anywhere else. Never stays in one place for too long.

Seemingly all-knowing. He is said to commune with the shadows for this supernatural level of knowledge. Using his deck of enchanted cards, he can also see into the past, present, and future.

Sam allows for passage between the Pantheon and the mortal plane. He calls the route between them his “backdoor shortcut”.

Takes on a shadow form rather than an animal form.

Lilia — Ex-god of war and protection, god of family and sacrifice

Once a god wielding a frightening cleaver and dripping in blood; his presence on the battlefield marked the enemy’s doom—but if he was on your side, then he is your savior.

He ceded his title and mellowed out after he was tasked with mentoring various younger gods. Still retains a bit of his war god past, as he is willing to go to great lengths aid his charges—even at the cost of his own safety.

Spouses-to-be and expecting mothers pray to Lilia for happy marriages and safe childbirth.

Acorns are left at his shrines; by wishing Lilia a long, healthy life, he returns the favor and grants you the same.

Bats serve has his messengers. If you see one passing the moon, it’s good luck. Likewise, his animal form is a bat.

Major Gods

Riddle — God of law and order

Rules, laws, control—all of these things are under his dominion. He rewards those who obey and punishes those who disobey.

In the days of old, a statue of Riddle would adorn the courtrooms, indicating that trials would be conducted under his scrutiny.

Those seeking his favor or welcoming his spirit into their home would cultivate red and white roses, prepare dried strawberries, and/or drink black tea at designated dates and times.

Displeased with the disorder and unlawfulness of the human world; wishes to get it under control.

Fallen for going on a wrathful rampage; he injured many gods and tore apart the Pantheon in the process.

His animal form is a (smaller than average) hedgehog.

Leona — God of wisdom and destruction

The patron god of scholars. Ironically, intellectuals debate about Leona’s form, finding it difficult to believe that a divine scholar would have the physique of what is that of a pro-athlete.

He represents not only the acquisition of new information and its application, but also the ruin that can be brought about by this knowledge.

He has become bored with the world—he already has all knowledge at his fingertips, so what else is there to learn? Because of that, he is now lazy.

There was an incident in which he, a young god at the time, sanded a vast archive of human knowledge. This earned him ire from the Elder Gods and cast his reputation in a bad light.

Fallen for attempted deicide (of Malleus).

His animal form is a cat. Makes sense; there’s usually golden lion statues in his shrines. Cures meats are a common offering. Can muster a lion with sufficient energy.

Azul — God of commerce and contracts

Anything related to business, money, and deals are under him. Because of this, both swindlers and honest merchants revere Azul and usually have a small anemone plant or flower set up in shop to attract good business.

It was common for people to ask Azul to fulfill their wishes, at the cost of something valuable to themselves. His golden contracts are said to be impossible to break—though there are stories of heroes finding loopholes and triumphing over him.

Those who cross him are said to be dragged into the depths and choked by his tentacles.

Fallen for his impossible greed; he forewent consent to enter an agreement with him and stole humans’ skills and abilities en masse in a big to become the ultimate life form.

His animal form is an octopus, a form he is extremely insecure about. Tends to take on the appearance of a fish with fluttery fins instead.

Kalim — God of wealth, hospitality, and celebration

He is considered a charitable and friendly god, welcoming even humans to gatherings in his domain, serving them nectar and ambrosia. If you wish for wealth or to impress a guest, you are expected to be as kind of a host has he is.

His shrines were opulent, dripping with jewels, gold, and dried coconut flesh + coconut water offered up in his name. Kalim is said to protect people from poisonings, hence the coconut (which historically has healing properties).

He is usually depicted as the sun amid other stars or in parades/amid crowds of servants (which are primarily lesser gods). Never alone, always with people.

According to the stories, he is easy to trick and has been stolen from multiple times—yet he harbors no ill will towards thieves.

Various humans have attempted to end him and claim his vast wealth for themselves.

His animal form is a monkey—a nimble little moodmaker—but he’s capable of turning into others too. A tiger, an elephant, and a parrot, just to name a few. You can say he’s a real “party animal”.

Vil — God of beauty (aesthetics) and poison

Depicted as a mature and sexy beauty, but also sometimes as a robed hag. He is known for his beauty as much as he is known for his envy.

Worshipped in the days of old by women who did not wish for their youth to fade, although Vil was typically described as a being without the concept of the gender binary.

Fallen for an attempt to poison a fellow god (Neige) and steal their beauty to bolster his own.

His animal form is a (male) peacock. If you pluck off on of his feathers, he may curse you—but get away safely, and you can brew a beauty elixir.

Idia — God of innovation and technology

A god that tinkers away and produces new inventions in his lair. He is said to have inspired many famous human inventions or inventors, sparking industrial and technological revolutions the world over.

Has grown increasingly withdrawn, deeming that his inventions are out there doing a god’s work for him; is there a need for him to be involved?

He is said to enjoy games; it is common to find gameboards and game pieces in his shrines. In stories, Idia would use his own to illustrate locations and the heroes in those territories.

His shrines are often gloomy—dimly lit, and filled with bones (representative of the past) and candles (representative of the future, paved by new inventions).

Fallen for an attempt to destroy the current universe and to rewrite it in his own image.

His animal form is a dog, which he laments because be prefers cats.

Malleus — God of stasis and storms (ie nature)

Considered to be an unstoppable force of nature; his moods affect the weather, so people prayed to him for favorable conditions.

Known as one of the most powerful gods to have ever existed. He knows little of humans and their ways, having lived almost entirely in the Pantheon.

Fallen for forsaking the concept of time and attempting to keep the world, humans, and the gods themselves, from facing the future ever again. With his thorn cradles, he sought to force all asleep and kept content in their dreams.

His animal form is a lizard, though he is usually depicted as a fire breathing dragon in stories.

Rollo — God of obsession and judgment

Another important figure often depicted in courtrooms. While Riddle oversees rules and laws, Rollo is the one closely tied to fair judgment and rulings.

The stories depict him as a god so blindly consumed by pursuit of his purpose that he lost sight of all else.

Fallen for an attempt to rid the universe of gods altogether, freeing humans from them. Harbors a particularly strong resentment for the God of Stasis and Storms.

Should a fire occur, it is viewed as Rollo’s wrath or punishing an unjust world. There are stories of guilty criminals who successfully evade the eyes of the law but mysteriously die in house fires.

Often depicted in stained glass windows.

His favored offerings are bread, grapes, and red lilies. The correct way to give them is to toss the offerings into a fire and letting them burn to ashes.

He finds music produced by bells pleasing. Those who run shrines in his name may perform a ceremonial dance using a hand bell.

His animal form is a goat.

Skully — God of holidays and cheer

He arose from the darkness when humans celebrated their first holiday. Though he represents all holidays, his favorite is Halloween. This is why you will find jack ‘o lanterns and candy scattered at his shrines. His followers are especially active during the autumn season.

Fallen for a strange decree that he should dictate how every holiday is celebrated; this cut into other gods’ domains and caused in-fighting among humans.

A god that stole many hearts. He greets humans with a kiss on the back of the hand; these kisses would impart temporary charms.

Oddly does not have an animal form. Assumes a pumpkin form instead.

Fellow — God of vagrants and freedom

A smooth, fast talking god with little respect for restraint. Not very bright but makes up for it in showmanship. He travels wherever he wants whenever he wants and does whatever he wants, easily blending in with mortals.

If you’ve lost a few coins from your wallet, assume Fellow swiped it and considers it a charitable donation.

Fallen for dealing with an evil spirit; he intended to trade human lives to gain more divine power.

Gidel is a titleless Fledgling God that he has taken under his wing. While he does not speak, he is very expressive.

His animal form is a fox.

Minor Gods

Trey — God of temperance and the hearth

Trey encompasses everything that makes the home warm and comfortable: meals, cozy blankets, kind company, etc.

He’s also seen as a caretaker among the gods, especially to Riddle. It’s said he is able to temper his even the most extreme of emotions.

A god that finds himself in the middle of conflicts and having to resolve them; he’d rather be left untroubled by such things.

Baked goods and flowers (specifically violets) are common offerings.

His animal form is a mouse.

Cater — God of theatre and duality

A dramatic god, he lives for performances and attention. Represented by the two comedy masks; he has inspired many famous playwrights.

Typically happy, but when he “flips” to his sad alter ego/mask, his personality is completely different.

He is capable of making replicas of himself. In one story, he performed a one-man play where he was every single character.

… He’s been really into these new human inventions called the “cell phone” and “social media”, but the concepts have yet to take off in the Pantheon.

His animal form is a rabbit.

Deuce — God of passion and dedication

Once an evil spirit, he has since been reformed and become a (tentative) minor god. He dreams of rising to Major God status someday.

As an evil spirit, he was a chaotic being of wind notorious for challenging the other elements to races. (This would often result in hurricanes and other natural disasters.)

It’s said he was originally born from an alchemist’s cauldron when a spell went awry. Perhaps that is why he finds himself drawn to cauldrons.

Chickens are his favored animal; there is a story of how he cried over cracked eggs. This has led to a strange collection of items (including cauldrons and chicken statuettes) in his shrines.

He tries many things, but is seldom successful in any of them.

His animal form is a (blue) chicken. He attempted a pink flamingo form but failed.

Ace — God of fortune (luck) and mischief

A troublemaker in the Pantheon. Frequently being chastised or punished for bothering his fellow gods.

He sneaks off to the mortal realm to prank humans. To the Elder Gods’ dismay, Ace sometimes (what was the human phrase for it again??) “shoots his shot” with humans he finds cute. Might go on a date with them once, then disappear entirely from their lives, leaving a trail of broken hearts in his wake.

Preserved cherries and later playing cards are common offerings. Instead of praying, devotees would stay at a shrine and play a card game with something depicting Ace (usually a statue).

His animal form is a flamingo.

Ruggie — God of thieves and the downtrodden

The god for the working class, underserved and marginalized communities, and the common man. They pray to him when they are in need of social change—tearing down a tyrannical king, redistributing the wealth, etc.

While his followers usually don’t have much to give, Ruggie isn’t picky about the gifts he receives. Even hand-me-down items and foragables are accepted at his shrines. Leave a bouquet of dandelions, herbs, used clothes, or a few coins at his altar and he will happily snatch those up.

Closely associated with Leona, often acting as his lackey in various tales.

There’s a story about how he stole the keys to Azul’s enchanted safe and released desire into the world; they say Ruggie has the ability to steal anything from anyone.

His animal form is a raccoon but he can muster a hyena with enough energy.

Jack — God of strength (both physical strength and strength of character)

Often depicted as a massive wolf—strong yet gentle. He appears before those with noble hearts to warn them of coming danger.

Protects children who get lost in the woods. He will fend off the danger and then carry the children to safety in his massive maw.

Warriors donned wolf pelts or the image of a wolf on armor or accessories. This would supposedly grant them strength on the battlefield.

Bottles of pear preserves are commonly left at his shrines.

Jade — God of lies and curiosity

One of the rare gods that frequents the mortal realm, though these excursions are typically excused on account of his identity as the god of curiosity. He returns with strange stories that his fellow gods cannot quite tell are true or not.

In the stories, he is presented as an enabler and instigator. If a mortal finds themselves at a fork in the road, Jade leans into their ear and whispers, influencing them to take the path least treaded.

It’s said that if you catch him speaking a truth, he will grant you a wish. Many mortals have met their doom from believing his web of lies.

Strangely, mushrooms have a tendency to overtake his shrines. You'll find them in the corners and crevices.

Animal form is an eel but if he is very low on energy then he’s a little fish.

Floyd — God of change and chaos

If Jade influences humans by whispering in their ear, then Floyd influences humans by throwing any obstacle imaginable at them. He is the embodiment of anything that can happen at any time.

His following is mainly people who are bored with their lives and wish for something exciting or new to happen.

His followers do not have any particular traditions, as he could react negatively to anything. Rather, the expectation is that you go about your day and not invoke his name for fear of gaining his attention.

If you're one of the foolish few who dare to ask a favor of him, candies of assorted flavors or a new pair of shoes (a luxury, in the days of old) may be a good bet to gain his favor.

Animal form is an eel but if he is very low on energy then he’s a little fish.

Jamil — God of culture and ambition

Companion to Kalim. They often appear as a duo on stories, never straying too far apart from one another.

He represents the mingling of cultures and the sharing of idea and traditions, all the connections and places he can never have for himself. Jamil considers this a great burden, one he cannot be freed from. He also represents those seeking higher goals for themselves.

His shrines are known to be covered in fine tapestries and fabrics. Incense is burned, imparting the insides with a smokey, spicy smell.

Common offerings are bottles of hair oil and ornaments. These are to care for his hair, which is said to be able to transform into living snakes, each capable of speaking in a different ancient language.

Fallen for an attempt to overthrow Kalim and claim his position (via inciting a coup).

His animal form is a snake. Although he is a bright red, he’s not venomous.

Rook — God of the hunt, the arts, and love

If you’re out in the wild and feel like you’re being watched, it’s likely Rook with his eye on you. He enjoys observing humans and the odd ways they act.

Has heightened senses, able to notice visual details from an impressive distance away.

A lover of the arts; most creatives have made at least one work of art in his honor.

His followers tend to follow his philosophy that everything is beautiful in its own way.

Lovers will ask Rook to bless their relationship; it is said that those shot with his Arrows of Love will forever be bound to the first person they see.

Rook represents not just romantic love, but also platonic love. He does not discriminate; all love is beautiful!

His animal form is a rook (bird). He can also do other birds, though mainly predators like hawks.

Epel — God of agriculture and harvest

His favored fruit is the apple. There used to be a festival in which attendees would submit their own apples for judging in his honor; the biggest, reddest, and shiniest would win and the victor would be blessed with a bountiful harvest for that year.

There are many tales of mortals and divine beings alike being deceived by his dainty appearance.

Humans pray to Epel for a good yield from their fields. Apples (at least their peels) are often incorporated into fertilizer, which they return to the earth as an offering to him.

His animal form is a rabbit which is smaller than Cater’s form.

Ortho — God of death and rebirth

Legends say he was originally a mortal that died young while attempting to play the role of a hero. Taking pity on the boy, the gods took his soul and replaced it in the mechanical body (thanks to Idia’s help).

Ortho and his blue flames are said to be the last thing you see before death, for he comes to claim all souls and ferry them to the other side.

In the days of old, it is said that people would become stars after death and watch on from the sky. It is Ortho who brings newborn stars into the sky and places them.

He is said to be close with Idia, the god who granted him his new form.

Appears like a glowing blue flame instead of an animal form; the closest he can achieve is a ghostly apparition of a dog.

Sebek — God of action, lightning, and war

A demigod, much to his dismay. Overeager to prove himself as a result.

Dismisses his mortal father in favor of his divine heritage, but Sebek finds himself visiting anyway. Insists it is out of pity.

Inherited the title of god of war from Lilia. Brags about it (though Lilia warns him to be careful with such a dangerous title). His affinity for lightning is also something he brags about, since it brings him closer to Malleus, who controls storms.

His shrines tend to be built near bodies of water; followers prepare salted salmon from lakes and such for him.

He wields a shield that can guard against anything.

His animal form is a crocodile. He is unfortunately very noticeable wherever he goes.

Silver — God of sleep/dreams, peace, and protection

A human that was adopted by Lilia after his parents were felled in war. He went on to become a hero and achieved godhood by bringing a great war to a peaceful resolution.

Inherited Lilia’s old title as god of protection. Should you gain Silver’s favor, he will shield you from the evils of the world.

Animals of all kinds are drawn to Silver and his shrines. Nuts, berries, leaves, and flowers are left at his altar.

He is usually depicted sleeping under a tree. If you see Silver in your dreams, it is a good omen and something nice will happen to you when you wake up.

He wields a sword that can cut through anything.

His animal form is a horse. In works of art, he is sometimes depicted as a silver owl which glides through dreams.

Grim — (Fledgling) God of the lost

Not fully recognized as a god yet.

Has not accumulated enough strength to assume a human form.

Is considered guardian to the lost and directionless, be it those not knowing where they came from or those not knowing where they want to go in the future.

Leave an open tuna can at his altar or in ramshackle buildings, and the contents will have mysteriously vanished the next day. Presumably, Grim has passed by and eaten the offering. (Rocks are also an acceptable offering; these will also vanish, though there is debate on whether Grim favors rocks or if he also eats them.)

Eventually Falls because he came to become too attached to a human and wished to prevent them from passing on so that he might be with them forever.

Neige — God of innocence and purity/chastity

If Vil is sexy and mature, then Neige is the picture of sweetness and cuteness.

He is seen as a protector and caretaker to children, especially those without parents or guardians. They say if you diligently do your chores, your home will be safe and blessed by Neige.

Also considered the patron god of virgins.

The Seven Dwarves are forest nymphs that hang around him. Each represents an emotion or state of being (uhhh, assume Timmy -> embarrassment, Grum -> angry, Shelpie -> tired??, Hop -> happy, Snick -> surprised, Toby -> confused, Dominic -> confident).

His animal form is a songbird. He can also do a deer.

Cheka — (Fledgling) God of courage and cycles

An inexperienced god; the current God of Courage and Cycles is fading and Cheka is being trained to step up into that role.

Carefree; he has little interest in his duties and would rather play around with the other gods. Sometimes even slips away from his handlers and escapes to the mortal plane to play. Causes many headaches.

Asks many questions about mortals, but nothing which would be relevant to his tasks.

Animal form is a cat (well, more like a kitten), but he can’t really shift well yet.

Chenya — God of riddles and guidance

Chenya helps the lost find their way, be it to a location, loved one, item, or some goal. However, his aid often comes with a heap of cryptic language which you must first decipher.

Has the ability to vanish from sight. It is said that if you hear giggling or feel something brush against your arm or leg, it is Chenya’s blessing.

Loves finding cakes at his shrines, although he tends to steal them right off your plate at celebrations.

Animal form is a cat.

[irrelevantsarcasmghost]

0: around 156cm so like 5’1 I think

1: shhhhhhhhhh

2: no clue

3: no

4: sometimes I get second hand from my grandpa when he hugs me :(

5: no

6: idk

7: no

8: easier to draw on myself with fine liner

9: nope

10: too scared

11: Sioux

12: non existent I’m aroace

13: ew no

14: ew no

15: No particular favourite

16: what the hell is love lmao

17: My mates from sixth grade

18: Kitchen almost burnt down and we had to live at our grandmother’s for five months

19: It sucks

20: e v e r y t h i n g

21: nothing haha

22: either an author or in a band (probably never gonna happen)

23: bittersweet

24: bittersweet, mostly okay

25: i don’t do those

26: Slow walkers, giving me extra options when I’ve already clarified what I want, being stubborn and closed minded

27: huh what’s that

28: i don’t even wanna think about it

29: Can’t remember

30: i struggle profoundly to complete and understand it if it isn’t interesting

31: (I’m not gonna share that)

32: any form of ‘other people have it worse’ or trying to justify bigotry

33: and high praise of my work

34: um what

35: huh no

36: no idea

37: how I look and act and am perceived by people

38: scientist

39: fuck you I’m not picking one

40: Alex Fierro (MCGA) or Blake Novak from Zeyn_Syre

41: In my bed, which is where I am

42: can’t remember, it was last night

43: ewwwww

44: Coconuts have water in them /ref

nosy anons let's go

0: Height

1: Age

2: Shoe size

3: Do you smoke?

4: Do you drink?

5: Do you take drugs?

6: Age you get mistaken for

7: Have tattoos?

8: Want any tattoos?

9: Got any piercings?

10: Want any piercings?

11: Best friend?

12: Relationship status

13: Biggest turn ons

14: Biggest turn offs

15: Favorite movie

16: I’ll love you if…

17: Someone you miss

18: Most traumatic experience

19: A fact about your personality

20: What I hate most about myself

21: What I love most about myself

22: What I want to be when I get older

23: My relationship with my sibling(s)

24: My relationship with my parent(s)

25: My idea of a perfect date

26: My biggest pet peeves

27: A description of the girl/boy I like

28: A description of the person I dislike the most

29: A reason I’ve lied to a friend

30: What I hate the most about work/school

31: What my last text message says

32: What words upset me the most

33: What words make me feel the best about myself

34: What I find attractive in women

35: What I find attractive in men

36: Where I would like to live

37: One of my insecurities

38: My childhood career choice

39: My favorite ice cream flavor

40: Who I wish I could be

41: Where I want to be right now

42: The last thing I ate

43: Sexiest person that comes to my mind immediately

44: A random fact about anything

[softlyopulent-if]

What To Expect Going Forward:

Rewrite: First and foremost, I’m going to be rewriting Softly, Opulent. I have much improved in the time since that first demo dropped, and I’m going to rewrite it to show it. Along with the rewrite, some things in the story will be tweaked:

Characters: Some characters are going through a rework. I had an idea for their stories that’s changing now. The ROs will be tweaked just a bit too—but don't worry, they’ll keep those basic traits that they have already.

Magic System: This won’t be a drastic change with what I have in the demo. But there is some mention of Dalia having magic in chapter one. It’s very brief, but I’m taking it away. There is also an option in the intro post to learn magic but that’s not going to be an option anymore. Magic will still exist in the world, but be much more restricted and only a few select characters will use it. That’s because all magic comes with a price, in the words of Rumpelstiltskin and all that.

Rating: The story is going to be 18+ now. It’s not a really big change, but the reasons for this is simple: there will be sexually explicit content and more in this rewrite, while the plan was only suggestive content before.

Redesign: The itch.io page will be going through an update, and so will the intro post here on tumbler. I will make an updated intro post with the updated info soon. More importantly, the UI of the story itself is going through a rework too.

Pronouns: I want the MC to be more grounded in the world. Gender roles will be more prominent. I’m adding a transgender option instead, if that’s something that people aren’t against. I’m not sure about the non-binary option. I wanted to remove the option to have that choice in the very beginning. Let me know if it’s something you guys want to have as a choice later on (when MC is in a healthier environment), as it’ll take into account whether MC is AFAB or AMAB. (If this makes sense.)

A. I’m on the fence about making A’s gender the opposite of MC no matter what. Let me know if everyone would hate that. I'm only considering this because I wanted to have homophobia be a factor in some stories. But I’m willing to do away with that if everyone wants A’s gender to be their choice.

I think I’ve covered roughly everything. I know this is a lot to take in and I hope it isn’t a deal breaker for some people. The foundation of the story will remain the same!

[oveliagirlhaditright]

Jennifer English (Maelle's voice actress) and Billie Fulford-Brown (Sophie's voice actress) got into a really interesting conversation when Billie came over to play Clair Obscur: Expedition 33 with Jennifer English and Aliona Barinova.

Jennifer was asking Billie how she's able to go to really dark places in some of her roles (and completely become the character there)--such as in Expedition 33, where the Gommage exists and the culture of Lumiére has had to grow up knowing they're going to die young. And Sophie (though trying to accept it with such grace) does die young in the game's prologue--and then come back from it.

And Billie explained some of her ability do so--and how when you start acting school, one of the first things they'll often teach you is how to go to those places with your characters, but also how to leave them behind when the day's done.

But it seems very true, of course, that these actors (and actors in general, even ones who don't go fully method in their acting) truly become their characters while playing them. Like even just in this episode, Billie described Sophie as the love of Gustave's life. And maybe it was just me, but when she said it... there was a moment where it almost felt like she was Sophie again, saying that.

And in knowing this, then yeah: it also makes sense why Ray Chase (who played Noctis Lucis Caelum in Final Fantasy XV) was so moved by Noctis' love story with Lunafreya in Final Fantasy XV, and said that there was no other option when it came to shipping for Noctis. Because Ray Chase was Noctis, experienced everything as Noctis, and as Ray explained it--you see people flirting with Noctis in the game, but he never flirts back with any of them, because he's not interested in any of that. All he cares about is his one true love, etc.

And also how Sarah Michelle Gellar, in playing Buffy Summers in Buffy the Vampire Slayer, was Buffy and of course knew through playing out that story that Angel was the love of Buffy's life, and there would never be anyone else for her like Angel was to her.

The actors truly become the characters they embody to portray them, but they have to pull it back at the end of the day to live safe, healthy lives.

[alnst-compilation]

GOODBYE, ANAKT GARDEN!

[ENG] translation

MIZI 

Please write down what you want to say to MIZI.

1. TILL → MIZI 

*The contents in parentheses were written and deleted by Till.

(HI) 

(Hi Mizi!)

Hi Mizi!  You're super good at singing!  (If angels existed... I think they'd be just like you.) (So... I wrote you a song...)  Thanks again for the recorder you gave me when we were little.  (It's my one and only treasure.)  Can you believe we're graduating from Anakt Garden already? I feel kinda sad.  (We could've gotten real close but I guess there wasn't enough time for me...)  Hope you take care.  

2. Mina → MIZI

What's the ocean like? I wanna go too!!  

3. Rini → MIZI

Mizi! I think you're a really great singer.  I'm so glad we got to attend Anakt Garden together because I got to hear you sing! I wish you all the best even after graduation!  -Rini-

4. Siu → MIZI

I love that you're such a happy little goofball! So adorbs!  

—

[A comment from the source Patreon post analysing the blurred text] PistachioLan: In my option For Mizi: the obvious ones missing are Sua and Ivan, considering that we could see Ivan's in "to Sua" and it's bold and rather rectangular I speculate that the bottom blurred was Ivan's and top blurred was Sua's

SUA

1. Acorn → SUA

Confession. I still have a crush on you.  I know you rejected me but maybe you can give us one more chance?

2. Ivan→ SUA

I feel so happy that we're both graduating from Anakt Garden as Gifted students, especially alongside such a talented person like you, but I'm sad we didn't get to talk much.  You've always been very talented, so I'm sure you'll do great in ALNST too.

—

PistachioLan: For Sua: Well this one is oblivious bc of the hearts and jellyfishes, the big text is Mizi and the small I think is Till, because of the shape of the signature

TILL

1. Luna→TILL

I still remember the Anakt Garden Singing Competition when you head-banged through your song so hard that you got dizzy and passed out. That was so hilarious...

2. SUA→TILL

Take care. See you on the stage.

3. Acorn→TILL

You're talented. I'll give you that.

4. Rookie→TILL

You are definitely the wildest person I have ever met in my life.

5. Bari→TILL

You like Mizi right?! Dude, it's sooo obvious!!

6. Eri→TILL

You can come off a bit cold but you're actually pretty adorable.

7. Jia���TILL

To tell you the truth... I liked you.  Have a nice life.

8. Yeong→TILL

I finally get to tell you this since we're graduating  but you were so freaking loud when you practiced.

—

PistachioLan: For Till: the bigger text is obviously Mizi, because of the jellyfish again and then the condensed one I assume is Ivan's (also I think that Ivan also crossed out some of the words he wrote, or at least it looks like it)

IVAN

1. Nari→IVAN

Hey btw when's your birthday...?  I don't remember you ever having a birthday party.

2. RI→IVAN

I've just always been so jealous of you.  That's why I wanted to be close with you.

3. Sein→IVAN

I actually had a crush on you but never got to talk to you ever.  Take care. Bye.

4. MIZI→IVAN

Hi, Ivan! It's Mizi!  You're handsome like a prince, you sing like a rock star, AND you're smart too... How are you perfect?!  And even Sua's perfect too... I'm just surrounded by a bunch of perfect people, huh?!

(...) 

5. Minsu→IVAN

You're like... too perfect that it's hard to approach you.

—

PistachioLan: For Ivan: we already know part of Mizi's was redacted, the top left is Sua and top right is Till

Those are actually so interesting, comparing the general shape and size as well as obviously missing specific character's notes I could speculate which were blurred, which makes me so curious what was written that they decided to redact it and if we ever see what were those notes.

It's so interesting how definable and unique each of them are in their writing! Hope we get to see what was there some day! Maybe when ALNST is over

[ratbugs]

saw your post about the importance of Not Killing Insects and 1) i agree, but 2) out of curiosity, Are You Vegan? many people have many different takes about the morality of killing animals, and im just interested to know where you lie in that

(genuinely. only on anon bc some people go actually full hater at the existence of a vegan /lh)

no, i’m not, not that i have anything against people who are vegan (honestly i find it commendable).

but personally, i see a difference in killing for use vs. killing out of annoyance or fear.

the world, and nature - isn’t set up to be a deathless system. a lot of animal’s most important role in their ecosystem is keeping other more successful species in check. an ecosystem cannot thrive when one species grows exponentially. eating animals is actually, within the bounds of nature’s great system, very environmentally friendly.

the problem is humans fucking suck, and we’ve taken everything nature has set up in a perfect balance and ruined it.

this is something i’m actually very interested in, because in the US alone, about half of all food produced goes to waste.

so imagine, you kill four cows for food, only two of those cows would actually be eaten. i find this downright horrifying. honestly, being a vegan sounds great. not because i’m opposed to killing animals for food, but because within our current system, half the time we’re not even doing that.

if you’ve ever passed a cow farm in the south US, it’s out of some kind of horror film. mud and shit and thousands of cows smushed into one space. and remember - somewhere around half those cows will never actually be eaten. just killed and tossed in the trash.

the amount of food that is simply thrown away at grocery stores, restaurants, and from catering businesses etc.. it’s fucking crazy. (they have to, but they shouldn’t have to). ridiculous customs on what food should look like to be edible, etc…

our entire food system is in shambles. it’s a combination of greed, ignorance, and pure misinformation.

i mostly eat beans and fruit exclusively at this point in my life. i’m not the biggest meat eater, i find it kinda gross. but no i’m not a vegan and i don’t think it’s the solution either.

actually - this is something i’ve been thinking about and planning since high school -

i think we should eat bugs (like, as a whole of society. i know A LOT of places already do this).

does that sound crazy coming from me? the bug lover? lol

it’s something i’m pretty passionate about. and lots of people are already doing this. you can find many great resources on raising crickets for food.

i’m my opinion, switching from a food source like beef and chicken to one like crickets is absolutely ideal.

obviously i’m not a genius and i haven’t figured out how this would work but, i think it’s an idea that has merit.

for one, quality of life:

for the same space you could raise a few cows in a shitty and horrible mud pit, you could raise a dozen x100 (idk) crickets in the loveliest bug terrarium of their dreams. cricket paradise. not to mention it would be way way cheeper.

and, yay! more jobs.

also, importantly: bugs are packed with so much good stuff

they’re just a far more sustainable option and so many countries already do this.

it would take A LOT OF BUGS to sustain a whole country like the US, i’m completely aware of this. but bugs are fucking amazing and reproducing, and they’re also great at staying alive, and surviving to adulthood.

you can give a bug a great quality of life for much less than what you can give an animal like a cow. and killing them humanely is much easier/cheaper (because everything comes down to the money lets be honest).

switching our dominant food source would cut down severely on waste, resource and land usage, and malnutrition. and it… would be as hard as you might think.

just….. get a whole bunch of people open to eating bugs LOL (i still find the idea incredibly gross myself but we’re working on it)

i hope to do this myself, i’d love to have my own garden and my own cricket food source in the future when i have the means.

EAT MORE BUGS

[librarycards]

do you have any tips on becoming a better editor? i've always wanted to work at a literary journal / start my own but i feel like im not quite there in terms of how to objectively read my own work and others—it doesn't help that i'm quite a picky reader

i can try! first and foremost, read this ask i answered about starting a journal.

generally, here's what i suggest doing before you're ready to start a journal:

write, work on your craft. share with friends. submit. get rejected, get accepted, revise, keep submitting. get familiar with the process, how acceptance/rejection/revision/collaboration feel. think about what you like and dislike in an editor, and why.

this can happen at the same time as bullet 1. join a reading team for a lit mag you like. sometimes, you'll find some that are actively seeking readers. chillsubs, a lit mag newsletter, puts out a specific newsletter with links to open reader positions. for small magazines with only a few staff, try emailing their contact email and asking if they're looking for readers.

in the meantime, while looking for reader positions, try reading entire lit mags that you like. including the pieces you're not a fan of! consider the mission of the mag. the themes. the other pieces. can you figure out why a given piece was published based on those other observations?

let's say you get a reader position. you're going to read a lot of absolute steaming garbage. like, how could anyone submit that and not die of shame level bad. you'll build up a tolerance to it. you'll learn to give 'gentle' feedback, and, if your editors are generous, potentially get the chance to write some.

after a decent amount of time reading, and hopefully also writing/submitting/publishing, you have a few options. you can look to a position at an existing mag, and/or you can try to start one of your own. (keep in mind that neither of these things are required - the majority of people in the lit community don't edit or start mags, and that's fine!).

i recommend joining an existing editorial team as a genre editor first, to get a sense of what it's like to be more in charge of a set of submissions, feedback, and possibly other readers. having an EIC and managing editor as backup can be a huge help, and also provide a great mentorship opportunity.

if you have a strong community actively interested in your magazine idea, you can try your hand at starting a mag. i don't recommend doing this until you've been in a community for several years, have a group of writers you can solicit for early-issue submissions, and have a solid social media presence with reach. independent magazines are hard to sustain, especially in this age of oversaturation. it's not impossible - my mag, manywor(l)ds, is going strong after almost 2 years - but it does require a lot of support from readers, writers, artists, and lit friends who will promote you.

tl;dr. practice writing and reading, and BUILD A NETWORK. join a reading team and test the waters, and when you feel really comfortable in that position, consider moving to something editorial. your tastes and tolerances will expand as you grow, but these things take time. i started submitting in 2016, editing in 2020, and my own mag in 2023. i'm really glad it took that long, and i learned so many crucial lessons along the way.

[general-brain-rot]

The Soul and that time you first googled “what is depression?”

I think what I’m really enjoying about the course of Deltarune so far has been my interpretation of the relationship between Kris, the protagonist, and the Soul, the embodiment of the player. The two entities are independent of each other yet inextricably linked through some Gaster mumbo-jumbo or just some greater plot we aren’t aware of at this time, but what’s important is that basically two sets of personalities are residing inside one body and that is causing, uhhhh, problems for everyone involved. Kris often tears us out of their own chest in obvious pain to seek out surprisingly mundane things without our watchful gaze and consuming control, like downing an entire warm pie left in the kitchen or absolutely demolishing multiple glasses of chocolate milk (or it’s pilk because I think that little weirdo would absolutely do that, or the far more evil option is that was alcohol and our local enby teen is in worse shape than we thought-) or playing the piano. This is a seemingly desperate bid for autonomy from the player that both breaks my heart when I think about it too hard and also intrigues me deeply considering I don’t think I’ve ever played a game with this much confusing animosity between player action and a playable character’s life. And while I’ve had a ball seeing other artists, authors, creators of all kinds expand upon the in-game Soul and Kris dynamic in ways like making ‘soul-sonas’ which are all so adorable/funny I love them, I still haven’t seen anyone discuss the potential of a metaphorical interpretation of that bond (bear in mind I may be grasping at straws in an unfinished story to reach) about the concept of having a piece of your identity directly in conflict with the rest of itself. I absolutely acknowledge that while the Soul that the player guides is *not* Kris but its own entity entirely, there’s something to be said about the commentary that this relationship gives, so without further ado…

Being a teen and trying to figure out what your deal is:

It’s unclear whether or not Kris needs the Soul to survive, but they keep us nonetheless for reasons relatively unknown to us (we’ll get to the cage stuff later), and seeing the pain they put themselves through to separate us for even a short time is hauntingly relatable. I feel as though it’s hardly a stretch to say that the majority of the people who resonate with Toby Fox’s work also have experience with challenges to their mental health, I know that I absolutely fall into that category, and Toby is just one of those creators that can articulate a lot of the nuance that comes with enjoying being alive but having to fight to stay that way. Kris’s story, while only halfway realized at the point of writing this essay, has resonated deeply with me and I think I can finally start to articulate why: the Soul feels like a physical manifestation of the parts of Kris that they feel in direct opposition with, like if all the intrusive thoughts you have and bad habits you’ve relied on and social masks you’ve manufactured and can no longer let go of had a physical presence within you instead of just being woven into your psyche.

Whether it’s chronic pain or insomnia or uncontrollable dissociation or any other plethora of things, a lot of us have some aspect of ourselves that are fundamental to our existence yet are also hostile towards ourselves, pieces of us that we are in constant battle with just because we are simply alive. And when you’ve dealt with your own mind/body/soul fighting against you for long enough, the fantasy of being “rid” of the very things that ail you become increasingly enticing. I imagine that I could probably become the most powerful person on Earth if only I could remove my dissociative habits under stress, for instance. The birdcage at the foot of their bed leaking old blood out onto the carpet serves as a stark reminder of every painful strategy both Kris and any potential player has ever used to try to free themselves from their own overbearing pieces. The Soul, the part of each of us that is sharp and intertwined in our most heavy memories and guides every customer service voiced de-escalation or white lie for the sake of comfort or tight lipped smile when all we want to do is crawl into a dark place for a while, stakes its claim over Kris in a similar yet literal way to how we on the outside of the game are familiar with the feelings. Kris removing the Soul feels like a literal representation of someone like, fighting with their brain to do something they think is fun even if they’re bad at it while their brain yells at them for being bad at the thing. It’s that type of energy to me, going to drastic and self-damaging lengths to allow other parts of your own personality to get the chance to exist past the ever-present fog of your own psyche.

It reminds me of the strategies other games like Omori use to get a wider player base to understand a particular feeling. Case-in-point, Omori forces even the most neurotypical of people to face what it feels like to make any mistake and feel like it’s impossible to forgive yourself for it, which is something many people with depression and other adjacent mental issues deal with in their lives. The game does this by forcing the player to face a seemingly unforgivable act so intense that most anybody would struggle to forgive themselves for letting it happen and convince them to forgive themselves anyway. While the game provides an extreme example to showcase it’s point, the more common instances that the game comments on are times where you may say something accidentally insensitive in conversation and tear yourself down for having said it, or if you’ve broken something precious to someone on accident and can’t bring yourself to look them in the eyes after, or literally any other accidental blunder that you feel like you need to be killed with hammers about. Even if it’s something small, the weight of their mistakes weighs as heavy on them as something catastrophic as depicted in game. It’s exaggerated symbolism, and it’s extremely effective. I think that, while maybe not the point, Deltarune is doing a fantastic job of allowing the Soul to act as that exaggerated symbolism for the struggles of navigating a contradictory and at times hostile sense of self.

Told you I’d talk about the cage stuff later, well, later is *now*:

If the in-game prophecy explored a bit in chapter 4 of the game is to be believed at face value, then Kris being described as “The Cage, with human soul and parts” paints a bleak picture of their situation but may also play into this idea of the metaphor of The Soul. If Kris is a “cage” for something, said something assumed to be the Soul, then their fate as stated directly is to not let the Soul out of their control by trapping it in a sense. By extension, to go to any length to manufacture a personality and body that will jail the Soul (a manifestation of the hostile parts of all of our own minds), which feels so similar to the experience many young adults can call back to when they were first learning about mental illnesses during their teenage years. It’s as a teen that we are first exposed to the raw world of psychology at large and can actually start to see patterns in our own behavior and begin to navigate them, and that early exploration of the self often feels a bit like losing control over our own life. One day you wake up and learn that there’s a part of yourself that you don’t fully understand but now are equipped with the knowledge that it can be detrimental to not only your own wellbeing but the wellbeing of the loved ones you surround yourself with, and all you can think to do is immediately try and trap and control that possible beast in your mind. For Kris it looks like changing their tone of voice when the words coming out aren’t exactly right, or yawning in the middle of a hurtful phrase to cut themselves off, or covering their mouth with their hand to muffle the sound of things they don’t want to speak out loud (or in Weird Route cases, biting their hand hard enough to bruise). I’ve mentioned the birdcage above but all the imagery of cages throughout the game thus far adds depth to the idea that something (like the Soul) untamed, potentially dangerous, and relatively unknown, must be contained despite how integral it is to the game, how integral it is to Kris. While perhaps not integral to survival considering how they absolutely beat the hell out of us with that hockey stick or in the continued Weird Route when they pummel us in the trashcan, they’re obviously keeping the Soul around for some necessary reason or else why stick through all the pain we’re causing them? That is likely a deeply story-entwined answer that we won’t be getting anytime soon but thinking about it through the lens of our working metaphor, it could be because Kris can’t just throw out part of their personality so simply like that. If we could just cut out the habits spawned by mental illnesses, then therapy bills would be way cheaper and look more like visits to wreck rooms rather than patient and long-term work. But that’s unfortunately not how it works and Kris, like us, has to figure out how to tame the hostile parts of themselves, because keeping it caged forever is both not sustainable and not healthy for anybody long-term.

Grats on making it to the end of my musings! Here have some mac n cheese for your efforts, we also have vegan mac n cheese if that’s your style. I like reading way too far into metaphors that may or may not exist in media I enjoy based on vibes, so if anybody else has fun thoughts on Deltarune’s many metaphors (I skipped over the big ones like freedom, hope, resilience, and teen spirit because those are already being fleshed out and are fantastic to read about) please please please share! the delicious! thoughts!!!

[endothermic-rain]

So I made more.

[kaiidos]

I'm so sick of finding pornographic content in the trans tags. I understand that most of them are porn bots, but I wish the ones that aren't would just tag their stuff properly.

I just want to be able to comfortably scroll through memes and comfort content in these tags without getting immediately flashbanged :/

[smartzelda]

Sometimes it's frustrating having worked in video game retail and knowing anything about game/console prices and deals watching people just. Say things online

"Look at this nintendo add for the SNES you could get the console and super mario world for like $100! Companies never do that anymore they're so greedy hahaha"

Yes, companies still bundle consoles with games. And yes, often this means the games come at a reduced price. (Mario Kart World for Switch 2 is $50 in the bundle versus the $80 for physical. When Gamestop was bundling games and controllers with new ps5s to keep away scalpers in like 2022, the games included often would be discounted between $10 and $20 for that bundle.)

Don't get me wrong. Of course less than $200 for a console and a first party game would be swell these days BUT. When you decided to get up in arms over prices these days, did you adjust for inflation? (Because like. It's one thing if the new console you're doing comparisons with the old one is much more expensive even when factoring in inflation. But also like some of those old consoles adjusted for inflation are worth about the same if not more than a switch 2, then it's like...okay? At that point the prices aren't the problem. The root issue is the companies not paying you in accordance with rising inflation.)

Believe it or not YES. Nintendo still does console deals where you can buy their most recent home console with a first party game added in for free! (Listen to me. Listen. In 2021 and 2022 for Christmas it was possible to walk into a video game store and buy a $300 switch bundle that included Mario Kart 8 deluxe and like 3 months free Nintendo Online. In like 2022/2023 for Christmas they also did $350 switch oled bundles that included Mario Kart 8 deluxe and 3 months nintendo online for free. The price of a console for a $60 video game and 3 months of the online service. This isn't some mythic business practice that stopped happening in like 2005 or something. I promise.)

Yes obviously the companies are greedy. They use deals to pull you in to get you to spend more than you expected. They also often have more sales than you're even aware of because they benefit more from people paying full price. They underpay people and they use whatever excuses needed oftentimes to raise prices to keep that profit rising. But it does no one any real good other than allow people to get pissed off to lie or assume things which aren't true. There are so many reasons to dislike companies (esp. Nintendo), you don't need to rely on acting like things used to be so much better in cases that they're not, or treating things that are industry wide standards/issues as something one company is the sole perpetrator of.

Moral of the story, maybe perhaps like do a bit a research instead of assuming whatever thing that pisses you off greatly is 100% true, and direct your ire in the right direction. Ground yourself emotionally and mentally, know what's going on. Be pissed at corporations. You're allowed to be fuckin pissed at corporations. Just please know what tf you're talking about and what exactly the root issue is

[autisticlee]

I once tried to reach out to friends when I was going through a hard experience after they reassured me it was ok to trust and rely on them....got told i'm gaslighting and guilt tripping them.

tried to have boundaries once....but got told i'm being manipulative.

tried to say if my boundaries aren't respected then I have no choice but to leave the relationship behind and move on....got told i'm making threats and abandoning them.

once tried to state that a friend upset me with how they are acting, instead of ignoring my feelings and letting the person continue to hurt me....got told i'm taking out my trauma on them and their trauma/feelings are more important because they want to die.

once tried to communicate and ask for equal communication back and asked them to tell me what they want/need from me so i know what to do/how to handle the situation.....got told that's controlling.

nothing I do is ever right. It's hopeless. pointless. why do I ever try? i'm always misunderstood, always misunderstand, always out to get them and purposely trying to hurt them in their heads. my caring and asking them to communicate their needs because I can't read minds is controlling. my simple boundaries i set are manipulative. my asking for reassurance and support is gaslighting and guilt tripping. why communicate or rely on others or have boundaries or care about others' needs or etc, if doing any of these things just makes me a bad and horrible person? that upsets and hurts others???

why am I so bad at being good?! why do my intentions never matter????? even if they're good intentions, only my horrible lack of being good at anything seems to matter. I talk to my therapist weekly. I google communication stuff almost daily. I study and practice and try so hard to do the right things and THEY ARE STILL NEVER RIGHT! i'm so exhausted and discouraged. I can't communicate or connect with anyone without ruining it. so why even try? why is it so hard? what's wrong with me?! why cant I do anything right or fix anything or keep friends for more than a couple years or connect with people beyond surface level or make them happy and enjoy my existence even a little or ?????? why is being autistic the most lonely and frustrating thing ever!!!!!!

[flecks-of-stardust]

prompted by a conversation i had with my roommate and also a surprisingly common phenomenon i've noticed. explanations and elaborations always welcome!

oh wow you can edit post bodies now, how nice. anyways this is for whichever region you entered first, no matter which one you ended up exploring more later. if your first gate out of outskirts was drainage, but you died then went to industrial later, please still vote drainage.

[moghedien]

If I don’t romance Minthara soon I am literally going to die

[balkanlila]

fighting the urge not to make this post. tags it is.

[sonknuxadow]

ive joked about it before but man i really am the only person on earth who remembers the gun commander is a character that exists arent i . because the other day when the shadow panel was happening and the voice actors were talking about their characters and how they were eachothers only friend and maria was completely isolated from other people i was like What about the gun commander . and i havent seen anyone else point the contradiction out . lmao